Fall is beginning. Leaves are changing, pumpkins are for sale, and the crisp autumn air is lingering. I really enjoy fall. It's probably my second favorite season, after summer of course. I'm starting to feel like it is the beginning of a new season in our lives.
The last 9 months have been so full of heartache, and September hasn't been any different. I moved from 1st grade teacher to librarian, Chris has been facing some super stressful things at work, one of the boys from our youth ministry took his own life a few weeks ago...And the list goes on. Sometimes I feel so....heavy. When will it end? I am tired of agony, grief, and change. I still miss Anthony so much that it aches sometimes. Sometimes I still listen for his super annoying alarm while I'm getting ready in the morning. And my heart hurts for my husband, as he misses his best friend.
But, a new season is beginning. I don't know if it's just the coming of fall that is making me feel this way, or if there is more to it than that. I have hope in what Christ has for me. For us. I have hope in the redemptive power of His blood. I have hope in the fellowship of the saints. I have hope in the small blessings of every day: the hug of a child, the beautiful sunset, the quiet moments. Whatever the Lord has for us next...here am I...send me.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Friday, September 10, 2010
heartache and frustration
The other night, I just had a super rough night. I posted about it on Facebook, with very limited details. So, I thought I would share just a little.
It started with my job. For those of you who don't know, I'm a teacher and this school year is my third year with my district. Every year, I have had a different position and a different school. Last year, I was in a position that I loved and at a school that I didn't want to leave. So, when I received news at the end of the school year that I would be moving to another school, I was super bummed. BUT, I was grateful that I had a job. I was told that I would be teaching first grade. I spent the summer getting mentally prepared, going to trainings and working in my classroom. By the end of the summer I was excited about my new position. School started about 2 weeks ago and I was having a great time teaching first grade. It felt good to get back into the classroom! I had 22 kids that I was excited about investing in.
Wednesday evening, I received a call from my principal. The district had re-assigned one of the teachers at our building to another school, and as a result we had to do some staff shuffling. Long story short, I was told that I would now be teaching library. I was SOOO frustrated! How many different jobs can one girl do in 3 school years?! I was ALL prepared and excited for first grade and now...library??? Really??? No warning, no - "hey, this might be happening." Just a phone call to say "this is what you'll be doing now and be ready to start in two days!" I was frustrated, overwhelmed and super annoyed. I called my principal later that night and got a few details. I was mostly glad that I would still be able to complete my professional certificate schooling that I was in. But, I was still bummed.
I got home, vented to my dear husband, cried a little, and ate something. Then, he told me that Jon, Anthony's dad, had called. They had some answers. What Jon had to say is long and detailed - and if I see you in person, I'd be happy to share. I just don't really want to post it for the world. Needless to say, the details didn't pan out to be what I expected. I was again filled with loss, grief, heartache and sadness. I found myself wishing it could've been different. I just wanted to see Anth and hug him. And we are still in the process of wrestling with these details. It's hard. SO, keep praying for us. Praise the Lord for His sovereignty in all situations. And keep praying. Thanks for listening...
It started with my job. For those of you who don't know, I'm a teacher and this school year is my third year with my district. Every year, I have had a different position and a different school. Last year, I was in a position that I loved and at a school that I didn't want to leave. So, when I received news at the end of the school year that I would be moving to another school, I was super bummed. BUT, I was grateful that I had a job. I was told that I would be teaching first grade. I spent the summer getting mentally prepared, going to trainings and working in my classroom. By the end of the summer I was excited about my new position. School started about 2 weeks ago and I was having a great time teaching first grade. It felt good to get back into the classroom! I had 22 kids that I was excited about investing in.
Wednesday evening, I received a call from my principal. The district had re-assigned one of the teachers at our building to another school, and as a result we had to do some staff shuffling. Long story short, I was told that I would now be teaching library. I was SOOO frustrated! How many different jobs can one girl do in 3 school years?! I was ALL prepared and excited for first grade and now...library??? Really??? No warning, no - "hey, this might be happening." Just a phone call to say "this is what you'll be doing now and be ready to start in two days!" I was frustrated, overwhelmed and super annoyed. I called my principal later that night and got a few details. I was mostly glad that I would still be able to complete my professional certificate schooling that I was in. But, I was still bummed.
I got home, vented to my dear husband, cried a little, and ate something. Then, he told me that Jon, Anthony's dad, had called. They had some answers. What Jon had to say is long and detailed - and if I see you in person, I'd be happy to share. I just don't really want to post it for the world. Needless to say, the details didn't pan out to be what I expected. I was again filled with loss, grief, heartache and sadness. I found myself wishing it could've been different. I just wanted to see Anth and hug him. And we are still in the process of wrestling with these details. It's hard. SO, keep praying for us. Praise the Lord for His sovereignty in all situations. And keep praying. Thanks for listening...
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