Is It OK???

I have so many thoughts running through my head right now...it's tough to make them stop. I'm just going to have to go through one thought process at a time. It's been weird to try to function "normally". This isn't normal. Life without Anth isn't normal. So, what is normal? And what is ok?

On Christmas day, LaDonna and I were sitting at the table playing Yatzee...and we both stopped in the middle of the game and thought - is it weird that we are ok sitting here and playing a game? Is that even ok? Should we be playing a game?? Since then, I've just had these thoughts running through my head, along the lines of "is it ok?"

Is it OK...

-to feel just fine playing a board game?

-to cry over laundry?

-to clean your house because it's the only thing you feel like you can control?

-to sit on the porch for hours in the cold?

-to just want to sit on your couch and stare into space?

-to cry in the grocery store aisle?

-to cry over a bowl of pasta because you know Anth would've loved it?

-to go to a movie with friends and not think about the pain once?

-to not be the least bit hungry?

There's more things....but that's all I can think of. And I know all of the above is part of the grieving process...and even though I question, I know the answer. Yes, all of those things are ok. It still doesn't feel real. I still feel like he's just on vacation and he'll come back through the door anytime. But at the same time I know he's with my Jesus, worshipping and celebrating! And that gives me hope and joy in the midst of my questions and tears. Is that ok?