Oh Baby!!

My world has been such a mix of emotions lately: joy, anxiety, sadness, contentment, grief...And yet all wrapped up in a very good thing!

In the middle of September, Chris and I found out we were having a BABY!! We were both so elated and excited. We've been married for five years now, and it was SO God's perfect, incredible timing. We waited for about a month before we told our families. I really wanted to wait until after that first doctor's appointment before we said anything to anyone. And let me tell you, that first appointment was incredible. Words can't describe the awe I felt looking at the blob on the ultrasound screen, seeing the little heart beating - knowing that that alien looking thing was part of me and part of Chris. Tears came to my eyes! Telling our families was so much fun! I don't think any of them expected it! In fact, my mom thought Chris was kidding when he told them :) Telling our church family was such a blessing to us. We were SO ready to share our excitement...and to see everyone we loved be so excited with us was...more than words can express.

Right now, I am about 12 weeks along. So far, feeling pretty darn good. I didn't really know that I could be THIS tired, but I can't complain. It still seems a little surreal that this is happening. I don't feel pregnant, although I'm sure I will soon enough! Chris has this phrase to describe how life has been... "I'm hungry, I'm tired, something smells funny!" Hehe...Oh my dear husband! But this new, amazing, exciting news has not come without heartache.

I cannot help but think about Anthony. He always talked about hearing the little pitter patter of Preiss feet around the house. I can imagine the big, ear to ear grin on his face when we would have told him. The laugh that would have come out of his mouth. That excited, Anth giddyness. The conversations we would be having about pregnancy, my doctors appointments...How excited he would have been to be an uncle. I grieve that we are not sharing that with him. I grieve for the fact that our child will not personally know Anthony. I grieve that they will not play together. That Anth will not get to hold his niece or nephew. I grieve that our children will never get to grow up together, like Anth and Chris did. I know that our children will know of Anthony Robert Vietti. I know that they will know of what a wonderful friend, brother, and Christ follower he was. I know that they will hear many, many stories about their uncle. But it's not how I imagined this part of life. And that's hard. Heartache and joy co-existing. I know this is God's perfect plan. But that doesn't necessarily make it any easier. So, if you could be praying for that struggle, we would be so grateful.

Back to joy. We went to the doctors again today for my...I mean our...checkup. We got to hear the heartbeat! It was so magical hearing that little, tiny, ultra fast heartbeat - and then my own steady heartbeat in the background. Knowing that I am carrying LIFE. It is amazing and humbling all at once. I have been so humbled to think that the God of the universe chose me and Chris to be THIS child's parents at this time. And that God knew this day would be here...that He already knows the number of days our child will live. He knows what joys and sorrows our child will face. He picked us to guide and direct this child in His ways. Wow. That's pretty incredible to me. I am so excited to watch and feel this life grow! I thank the Lord for new life...and for joy. Such incredible joy.